Living Joyfully when Mental Illness Seems to Prevail

A few months ago I wrote a post detailing the beginning of my second experience with post-partum depression. I haven't talked much about it since (maybe not at all actually), but it's time to open up again today.

Yesterday in Relief Society the lesson was titled, "Living Joyfully in Troubled Times" [Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Ezra Taft Benson, chapter 4]. At the end of the lesson a discussion on the topic of clinical depression ensued; many comments were made. As usual, I sat in silence. There were things I wanted to say, yet my experience with clinical depression is so new and the wound so fresh that I was afraid opening up in a room full of strong, wonderful women would cause me to melt-down. Today I can't stop thinking about what I should have said, so here it goes. Better late than never.

In my experience with depression and anxiety, I've learned that the treatment of mental illness is a multi-faceted endeavor on the part of the individual, loving family/friends, and helpful professionals.

Medication is necessary in my circumstances; it has definitely helped. Counseling is also vital. Exercise, healthy eating, sunlight, upbeat music... etc., has all helped. But no part of my treatment has proved more valuable to me than daily scripture study and prayer; time set aside to commune with my maker.

"There are times when you simply have to righteously hang on and outlast the devil until his depressive spirit leaves you... . Pressing on in noble endeavors, even when surrounded by a cloud of depression, will eventually bring you out on top into the sunshine." -President Ezra Taft Benson

Most days I still take life one minute at a time, because with the depression and anxiety that's about all I can handle. There are times where I feel so defeated by the trials of today that I look in the mirror and I hardly recognize the anxious, irritable, sad person staring back at me. In other words, I know all too well what it feels like to lose my grip.

Reading my scriptures daily and saying my prayers gives me something to hang on to; a little optimism for today and a lot of hope for more happiness in the future. I know that as depressing as today may seem, my efforts in noble endeavors will be multiplied unto me and I will eventually come out on top into the sunshine, and that is a wonderful promise.